Tuesday, February 22, 2011

To the neighbors down below or directly above that tattled on me for making "too much noise" "well past normal hours" -

Some of us don't have the luxury of getting home from work before sunset and accomplishing all of the day's tasks before the evening news. The "running water sounds around 2 AM" you hear? That's me taking a shower after a long night at work. Also to be noted: I live by myself and the only guy I'd be making out with lives six states away, so if there's a ruckus going on up here, it's not the kind you're thinking. Sorry I'm not sorry for running my dishwasher while you're trying to sleep. Your washing machine sounds like gorillas humping and wakes me up earlier than I'd prefer on a regular basis. And sometimes when I leave my balcony door open, your nasty cig smoke wafts in. Talk about unpleasant.

I've never met you. I wouldn't even know you if I passed you on the stairs. If I start throwing raging parties at 3 AM on a school night or decide to adopt a gang of rambunctious zoo animals in the coming months, you have my full permission to call apartment management and whine and kick and scream until you are blue in the face. Shoot, you can personally escort me out the door as I get evicted for violating my lease. But until then, I beg you kindly... simma down now.


  1. We have a crazy Asian family living above us that must play dance dance revolution at all hours of the night, and we never even considered reporting them... Must be that college mentality!

  2. You ever thought about joining them? I bet you'd be pretty stellar at DDR. Moves like a jungle cat and all.